Finally back here! It really feels good to be back to my blog, back to writing my thoughts, reflections and introspection. It’s like having my own Pensieve, a basin where I could keep and recall memories.
I’ve been absent for several weeks for it has been a very, very busy month. But despite the hectic schedules and the tasks I had to finish, I was able to squeeze in a novel by Debbie Macomber, Hannah’s List (I actually ‘borrowed’ it from my sister-in-law without her permission, but I already told her last night that I had finished it). Actually, I am not into romance novels for they’re so predictable, but since I love happy endings, I love reading one once in a while. Hannah’s List is a very warm and charming story, and most of all, it has a happy ending. I hate to read books that are tragic, violent or ghastly. They give me nightmares.
For those who are reading this blog thinking that I am here to evaluate and criticize the book, I’m sorry, but Meenataur is not a critic. Then why the hell am I writing about this book if this is not a critique? Nah, the paragraph above is just an introduction. The story just inspired me to write a similar list, a list containing the men (I cringe at the plural) that have been part of my life (romantically, at least). I had difficulty in assessing the ‘relationships’ I had before (whether imaginative or real), but finally, I was able to come up with the final list.
CHILDHOOD SWEETHEARTS
1. My first crush (when I was five years old and he was six). I met this boy at the wedding of my cousin. He was the ring bearer and I was the flower girl. I remember blushing when the adults asked us to dance in a Christmas party. It was during grade school when I realized that the term for what I felt toward him was “crush.” (I am actually smiling now… don’t know why.)
2. A grade 5 classmate who was once a knight-in-shining armor, while I was the damsel-in-distress. We were cleaning the classroom so I had to remove my lovely sandals, but when I went back to fetch them, they were gone. I was crying frantically thinking that I’d be going home barefooted. Then he offered his tsinelas and went home with me barefooted (he has to get back his slippers). I remembered that my mother rewarded him 10 pesos for his feat.
3. The first boy who ‘courted’ me, giving me flowers from the school garden, sending letters, giving me Pritos ring from the school canteen or apples or chocolates (probably stolen from their fridge) and offering to walk home with me. I refused everything he offered (besides my fear of my mom, I had another crush), so he was also the first boy I dumped.
4. The other crush I mentioned. He was a classmate and a very kind one. He made me smile and laugh and we spent hours talking of so many things like our teachers, school work, our families and music. We both love music and we always spend time exchanging songhits (song mags). He was also my first ‘heartache’ for when we graduated, we parted ways. I studied in a private school and he has to stay in the public high school in our area.
HIGH SCHOOL AND THE CELEBS
1. Celebrities dominated my high school romances:
· Eric Frustuoso – a mestizo Gwapings member. Most of my girlfriends prefer Mark Anthony, but I liked Eric more so he was ‘mine’ alone.
· Ariel Rivera – I kept a scrapbook of his pictures that I cut out from newspapers and mags. (It’s quite embarrassing to admit that I was once obsessed with him.)
· Vince Hizon and Jayvee Gayoso – basketball stars
· Paco Arespacochaga – a band vocalist (if I ever had a line to heaven, I swear I’d call you there…)
2. My adviser when I was a freshman. He looked like Van Damme, for they both got ‘sleepy’ eyes.
3. A practice teacher (OJT student) of the other section
COLLEGE, BEYOND AND THE WHAT-IFS
1. My hubby tops this list. He was my former ‘boss’ and we’ve been together for 11 years now. Our story is a colorful one, a decade of a roller-coaster ride to where we are now. We have experienced so many ups and downs and numerous sacrifices and countless tears. We have been each other’s anchor in difficult times and despite the length of time together, we still had a lot of things to talk about, to argue about and to laugh about.
2. Cupid, the biggest what-if. Our very complicated ‘relationship’ is so short (around 4 months) but I have felt numerous emotions during this period – extreme happiness, anticipation, exhilaration, thrill, hopefulness, anxiety, guilt, grief, misery. One thing I learned (besides the fact that Platonic love could be real), is that pain and grief are wonderful sources of inspiration (thus came Psyche the poet and writer).
3. The Brazilian from Sao Paolo, another what-if. We met at a YMCA camp. He speaks little English but we manage to convey so many things to each other, and learn a lot from one another at the same time. We shared a lot of happy memories and we even manage to exchange letters after the camp.
4. A college classmate. He is probably the reason for all the bad karma I had on love, because I had mistreated him. I dumped him in the midst of a stormy afternoon and watched without guilt nor pity how his tears drip along with the rain while he begs. Sinister me, I never knew then how painful it was.
5. My college professor. One of the people I admire and respect the most (take note of the present tense). I remembered sending him a hand-made card during his birthday.
For now eggheads, remember that the past tense shows actions that had already taken place, while the present tense shows current events and experiences. The present is the result of the past, and no matter how good or bad the experience was, what was in the past belongs to the past. Am I making sense? I hope I am…
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